The Back Story & FU 2012
“The Dead Are For The Living”
That’s what my late husband said after his father passed away in 1990. Twenty-two years later (that’s 2012 if ya can’t math!)at the age of 49 my husband passed away. Six weeks after that my cousin, who was like my older sister & one of the reasons I moved to California, passed away. She was just 50. That death occurred two days after the Celebration of Life for my late husband. Six weeks after that a long time client of mine, also in her 50’s, passed away. At that point I searched for a grief counselor. I found a perfect match for me & she was also an art therapist. I began to color, draw mandalas & collage (insert “everything I need to know I learned in Kindergarten” here) my way to aid in making the pain dissipate. Three months later the facility where my grief counselor worked declared Chapter 11…no more grief counselor. Who the fuck looses their grief counselor! She also decided to ditch that area of counseling completely! Then…wait for it…a long time friend, elementary school crush & later “boyfriend” (albeit only for about a summer somewhere in the 1980s) passed away. Then life literally went blank or even more blank than it already was. That friend’s death was the day after the Celebration for what would have been my husband’s 50th birthday. Oh yeah, I did have a Fuck You 2012 party.
Of course the longer one lives the more death one will experience. And you can’t unsee death. That shit stays embedded in your hard drive. So that is why on Halloween 2013 I decided to once again:
LIVE BEFORE YOU DIE.
Because life can really suck at times so when fun is taunting you, grab it!
You Can’t be a Widow Virgin Forever!
My Halloween Story of Popping My Widow Cherry!
With someone about 20 years my junior!
Part I
Halloween 2013 &
I’m in NYC. A week before I arrived, I was looking out at the Pacific Ocean & it all of a sudden felt like it’s time. What better city to choose to loose my widow virginity than my home town, NYC! Manhattan is where I discovered ME in my late teens & twenties while at NYU. When I return there, I am indeed coming to retrieve part of my soul, my essence. It also is the only place I ever lived as a single woman. When my husband passed one of the most striking realizations was that I had never been single in Cali. Even though Cali is my home now & my NYC license has long been revoked, NYC is where I needed to be to pop my widow cherry.
I’m Here To Reclaim My Soul
Halloween was on a Thursday that year & I began my spooky dive bar journey on Chambers St. My plan was to bar crawl it up to the Village Parade. My costume – I’m a cougar, hear me roar! My intentions were set!
It’s 4:30p.m. & the bar is packed. I saddle up to the bar, surrounded by cute young men. “Waddya havin?” asks the young beautiful bar woman. “Shot of Kettle” I reply. “It’s happy hour, two for one.” “Great! I’ll take four” I answer. It’s on.
With two boys to my left, two to my right, (cue Steely Dan here) we commence in some bar room banter.
Cute boy: “Where ya from?”
Me: “California.”
Cute boy: “What brings you here?”
Me: “I’m here to reclaim my soul.”
Oh, it’s really on! Unlike some west coast boys who might run away after that retort, this line got the attention of those east coast boys! We all grabbed our shot glasses… I think it’s gonna be a long, long night!
The First Kiss After Death Is The Hardest
So I chose a 20 something hard body to get back in the game! I was in my 40’s!
Part II
So Let’s Review:
A Short Story Of The Back Story: It was July 2012.
Just like the Frank Sinatra song, That’s Life, “… But if there’s nothing shakin’ come here this July I’m gonna roll myself up in a big ball and die. My, my.” That was one of my honey’s favorite songs. He died in July.
Losing your loved one just fucking sucks.
And Then It’s Halloween 2013.
I’m in my home town NYC. It’s the weekend of the NYC Marathon in addition to Halloween. Oh yeah, the energy is ripe for a cougar to get her groove on!
I’m in this bar to reclaim my soul!
That’s the line that gets me laid in a particular dive bar on Chambers St. It happened twice. More on that in a future Blog post: I Think I Just Had Sex With A Ghost!
Let’s Get To The Village Parade!
I’ve acquired some young male companions to venture to the Village with. We leave the Chambers St. dive bar, walk outside & two of the young men start chatting up two cute young women. We all suggest that they join our traveling Halloween party. Off we all go!
The #1 Train is So Much Fun On Halloween!
Damn I miss NYC! We disembark at Christopher St. and we’re ready for some crazy scary unpredictable fun! The energy is infectious and the Halloween costumes are awesome. We’re all having a great time!
But Let’s Resume Consumption Of Spirits – Of The Liquid Kind!
At this point I believe our group acquired some new members along the way! Off to an establishment on MacDougal Street. That’s conveniently located near Ben’s Pizza & Mamoun’s Falafel. Whew! Great post drinking food!
A Drink For All My Friends!
We stumble into a watering hole filled with enthusiastic NYU students. Someone in our traveling drinking party knows someone who knows someone & we wind up in a cool private area in the back. There’s NYU students everywhere. The energy & spirits, in more ways than one, are flowing. Then the NYU students discover I’m an alumna. They are extremely intrigued & want to hear my anecdotes from last century. I shout out something to the effect of, “Gather round children, for this is how NYU was back in the day.” They were intrigued, interesting & a bit tipsy -it’s Halloween after all! I step aside to let the bartender know I want to buy a round for the house, “A drink for all my friends.” They only would order beer & the total check was something ridiculously inexpensive so I bought another round, what the hell, it’s Halloween & I need to break in the next generation!
So, you’re wondering about the hot young 20 something? But wait, there’s more!
Halloween Part III:
You Can’t Be a Widow Virgin Forever!
Pop That Widow Cherry
So our private traveling Halloween parade winds up with me telling campfire stories to young NYU students about life at NYU last century. The four original young men I started drinking with earlier are still around when I notice one of them is sitting closer to me. Our party is starting to fizzle out when, let’s call him McSpanish ( he is part Irish part Spanish) suggests we go for a drink somewhere by ourselves. I’m in! We’re chatting, spirits are flowing & he asks, “May I kiss you?” Oh yeah.
It’s now approaching midnight which is the time bars start getting interesting in NYC. We wander around the Village and stumble into an old watering hole of mine. They have some photos of all the regulars back in the day, some of which I remembered, & I take that as a reminder that I am exactly where I need to be. Next stop: St. Marks Pizza – never made it to Ben’s or Mamoun’s Falafel earlier!
It’s now about 4am & we’re at the Astor Place cube. Decision time: one cab or two. We kiss & he says, ” Twelve hours later & I’m still here.” One cab it is.
